Ghosts
by crystal tiara
Summary: Roy Mustang is not one to believe in ghosts, but they haunt him anyway. [slight Roy x Riza]


**Ghosts  
**by crystal tiara

**Disclaimer:** I don't own "Fullmetal Alchemist" and its characters; Hiromu Arakawa does.

"_Anything dead coming back to life hurts."  
__- "Beloved", by Toni Morrison_

Roy Mustang is not one to believe in ghosts, but they haunt him anyway.

The alchemist in him, trained to rely on skepticism and the scientific method, would be quick to dismiss ghosts as products of an overactive imagination, or of delusions and hallucinations. But science cannot explain the images and sounds that have hardly spared him a moment of peace. Science can't tell him how to stand against something that doesn't exist at all.

Like fossils and ancient relics dug up from the earth, his troubled mind conjures up images – of blood (the stains that he sees on his hands, even when they appear clean), of fire (eating away everything in its path), of war (Ishbal was a rude wake-up call that opened his eyes to the horrors of reality), of rain (washes the blood away, but not the guilt nor his sins). Screams of pain and agony ("no more") play over and over again like an eerie, twisted orchestra of sorrow.

These are the ghosts that lurk in his subconscious, that manifest themselves in flashbacks, nightmares and triggered memories. These are the ghosts that do not disappear by sunrise; instead, they are banished to the darkness – like the figures, dark and mysterious, that the shadows create on his walls when night sets in – where they lurk in wait for another time, another day to remind him of the pain and the burden that he carries. It's hard enough dealing with the living, but it's just as difficult to pay the price for taking innumerable lives.

But Riza, having ghosts of her own, knows and shares his pain fully. She understands that Roy doesn't always mean it when he says that the living are scarier than the dead. She knows that at night he remembers things that others would have forgotten, and relives the suffering unknown to so many. Maybe she can't make his ghosts vanish, but she tries to chase them away, to lessen the weight of his anguish.

To Roy, Riza is the silent force that keeps him together, the anchor that holds him in place, where he should be. She knows that it is meaningless to dwell in the past as ghosts do – in a circular and infinite cycle of always taking in sorrow but never spitting it out. And so she faithfully reminds him that they do not live in a world of "before", "once", "long ago", and "if only". They live for today, for the promise of tomorrow, for the not-so-distant dream of giving Amestris a better tomorrow.

Roy Mustang may not believe in ghosts, but he has to live with them. It may sound strange, having to live with something that may or may not exist. For him it is like equivalent trade – he took others' lives and he took the accompanying guilt with him, to follow him forever like an ominous shadow hanging overhead, like ghosts that refuse to become buried and forgotten. He may have specters of the past hounding him and hands forever tainted with blood, but he, together with Riza and his subordinates, has a goal to carry out and a path to forge for the country. Perhaps when the day comes that he reaches the top, he will be able to lay his ghosts to rest, perpetually, beneath the earth.

**Author's Notes:** Although I started watching FMA a year ago, this is my first FMA fic. I've always wanted to write something involving Roy and Riza, but it's been really difficult trying to get in character and to explore their complex personalities. Also, I found it hard trying to think of a newer, fresher scenario, because almost everything about Roy and Riza's relationship has been put into words by several authors, to the point that some scenarios might even be considered cliché. The inspiration for this fic suddenly popped into my head one night (after reading Toni Morrison's "Beloved" and staring at the shadows on my wall because I couldn't sleep). To be honest, I can't say that it's a new scenario; in fact, I'm sure lots of authors might have explored this aspect of Roy and Riza's relationship before. Constructive criticism will be highly appreciated so please review! I would truly appreciate it.


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